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Side to side: Trying mutual masturbation for the first time can be nerve-racking for many couples. Thus, the side-to-side position is good to begin with. If making eye contact with your partner feels overwhelming, this position will help you avoid it. To still stay connected, you can hold hands or put a leg over them.
Additionally, “when couples or groups explore masturbation together, it allows partners to tune into their own personal ‘pleasure maps’ while also getting to observe what turns their partner on and their partner’s unique experience of pleasure,” says White. In other words, you can teach your partner where to touch you in a non-intimidating way. Plus, on a more practical level, mutual masturbation means people aren’t fluid swapping (or coming into contact with other people’s sexual fluids), which eliminates the or pregnancy.
Ah, togetherness, the double-edged sword: On one hand, there’s opportunity for increased intimacy with your loved one but also the potential for well, same old, same old. But good news—an alternative to boredom is right within reach—masturbation. What’s surprising is that this activity usually makes us think of being alone, and according to experts, what’s happening just as much is that couples are masturbating together. Let’s look a little more closely at mutual masturbation. Think of it as “you do you,” NSFW edition.
Mutual masturbation is self-stimulation done in the company of, or with participation of, a partner. Couples reveal what they do when they masturbate, but also they are discovering new pleasure while watching each other self-stimulate, with or without toys. According to a 2023 study published in the , mutual masturbation was common among both genders, and recent mutual masturbation was positively associated with sexual satisfaction—especially for women.
According to O’Hara, there’s a predictable narrative to long-time couples sex: “Kiss, caress, undress, oral optional, penetration, male orgasm” she says. “then after male orgasm, it’s game over. It can become really boring if you are just focused on the penetration.” Basically, O’Hara explains mutual masturbation as re-imagining your sex life as not being strictly intercourse-oriented, and opening it up to other sensations such as teasing and relaxation.
